Consigliera College: How to Build a Skill in Three Easy Steps

I haven’t done a Consigliera College in a while. For those of you who are new here – and I see you, welcome, glad you’ve joined us – the Consigliera College posts are about building skills. Things I might work on with an executive coaching client.

Today’s skill is going to be building skills. How do you build a new skill or level up on an existing skill set?

Step One. Identify the skill you want to build.

A skill is a specific set of behaviors or actions that you can improve and develop with focus and practice. It is something you can control, and that you have the resources and capacity to do. Pick one that is realistic and worth your time and effort. Work only on one at a time, please.

Here are examples of skills someone might want to improve

·      Emotional regulation – don’t get so upset at my direct reports when they make mistakes.

·      Better time management – find and use effective tools to stay on task.

·      Set more effective boundaries at work so I can focus on my own work goals..

They are specific, clear, and presumably most people have the capacity to build these skills.

Here are some examples of goals or desires that aren’t actually skills to work on.

·      Be more emotionally intelligent. This is a great goal, but it’s not specific enough. Emotional intelligence is a broad subjective category. Try to break this down into parts to get a list of skills to work on. For example, emotional regulation as listed above would be a skill that contributes to emotional intelligence.

·      Be more efficient. Also, too broad. See better time management above, a skill that could ladder up to this goal. This could also be about managing resources or budgets more effectively, meeting goals in a timely manner, etc. Be careful about capacity here. Someone with ADHD, for example, may need to redefine what “efficiency” looks like for them, especially if they work in a corporate culture with very rigid ideas about work styles and productivity.

·      Sell more. If you work for yourself, then yes, this can be a skill you can work on. While there are many sales skills that we can build, if you are part of a larger organization then selling more may not be something over which you have control. The product or service you are selling may be flawed, the marketing may suck, customer service may be awful. Realize that your individual skills are operating within a larger ecosystem and be realistic about the interplay.  See last week’s post for more.

For the purposes of this post, I’m going to choose the skill of asking questions and checking in more in meetings. It’s small, measurable, manageable, and most people have the capacity to do it. I also find it’s a skill that most people forget to do. I’m going to work on it for four weeks. It can take months to build skills, but it’s good to try at least four weeks to really solidify even a small skill like asking more questions.

Step Two: Learn, try, learn more

You probably need to learn more about how to build the skill you’ve identified. You know how you learn best so do that. I start with education, reading articles. Others listen to podcasts, talk to mentors or friends, read books. Then try to put those skills into action. Get as specific as possible.

If I’m working on asking questions and checking in during meetings, I’d read some articles, get more information. Then I’d make a plan, something small and attainable. I’m going to ask one check in question in every meeting this week. I’d make a note somewhere and post it where I could see it. I might have some sample questions.

·      What would you like to get out of our meeting today?

·      Is this helpful?

·      What kind of feedback would be most useful to you right now?

Then I’d try it. I’d see how it worked, what the reaction was, how I felt, how the meeting went.

Step Three: Gather data and hold yourself accountable

I suggest that clients have a file or notebook and write down (or use a voice memo) every day how their skills building went. Write for three minutes, even if it’s “Stressful day, didn’t ask one question.”

What worked? What didn’t? What could you do differently tomorrow?

And, no, none of my clients ever actually write this down every day, but even a couple times a week will help.

At the end of every week, write for ten minutes. What did you learn this week? Are you experiencing resistance? Is there anything you want to adjust for the next week? Do you need additional support? For example, someone with dyslexia may realize that the task management program they chose is really hard for them to work with and they may need to get a different system to effectively manage their tasks.

You should have an accountability partner. This is one of the things I do as an executive coach. But it could be a colleague, a partner, even yourself if you have some discipline and can keep on track. Another person, especially a coach or someone you work with, can give you feedback about how they are seeing change in your skills. Often others can see our growth before we can, especially if we tend to be hard on ourselves.

That’s it. Three things. Pick a skill. Learn and try. Gather data and keep yourself accountable. Good luck.