Consigliera College: Meeting 101

How to run a meeting that doesn’t suck, from a certified meeting hater

A few of my subscribers are women I have coached or managed in the past, who are 10 years or less into their careers. They are experienced and talented enough to have someone pay for their executive coaching or training, but not yet executives. And I usually only get to work with them a short time.

One of the things that keeps me churning out this content every week is that I know these women read or listen to this newsletter - hi there! I decided to do a stream of content that’s for these mid-career women -  Consigliera College. Today we’re going to talk about running a meeting, with some tips that will also be helpful for executives.

I can scientifically prove how much I hate meetings.

Executive coaches like assessments, and I’ve done quite a few on myself. My assessments all point out that I am meeting averse. Assessments don’t have a category for “breaks out in hives” but if they did, I would be in that bucket when it comes to meetings.

So, here are some tips from a certified meeting hater, who also happens to be a professional meeting facilitator. Like, I study how to run meetings better.

The fundamental principle is that different people have different needs, and you should try to keep that in mind when planning and running a meeting. In fact, I think the main benefit of the many team assessment tools is just to experientially remind everyone on the team that other people think differently than they do. Any team session will be experienced very differently by an extrovert than an introvert; by someone with a high desire for inclusion versus someone with zero desire for inclusion (that’s me, by the way, I literally have zero desire for inclusion or invitations to just about anything).  

I’m assuming here that you are running and/or designing the meeting. I’m also assuming that the group or team is ongoing – it’s not a new team or new boss, since there are different tactics to use there. And since most of the meetings I’m in now are virtual, these suggestions are meant to be applicable to in person or virtual meetings.

Name it

·      Have a written agenda. Start with the agenda. Say what the purpose or deliverable of the meeting is in the first three minutes. Start and end the meeting on time. Don’t wait for someone – they can catch up when they get there. And don’t offer to catch them up. If the boss can’t be bothered to show up on time for a meeting, then he can figure it out from the context. And he will hopefully start to show up on time.

·      Be clear about expectations for meeting participation. Are you hoping to hear from everyone? For virtual meetings, do you want cameras on? Are you taking comments and questions in chat?

·      Do lots of wayfinding, also called signposting. It just means using phrases the way we would use road signs. “Here’s where we’re going. Now we’re here. Next, we’re going over here.”

·      If someone wants to bring in a topic that is off the agenda, you don’t have to let them. That’s what the “parking lot” is for: “That’s a great point, let’s put that in the parking lot so we can spend time on it in our next meeting.” If you think the point has validity, you can take a quick poll – “should we spend five minutes now talking about Lisa’s point, and we can get to Doug’s item next week?” You’re reminding them that a meeting is a finite period of time and if they talk about something new, something will have to come off the agenda. But that might be the right call.

Manage the energy

·      Too often we focus on the tasks or content of the meeting, and mentally assess how well we are doing against completing the tasks. Which is fine. But you also need to attend to the energy in the meeting. It is astonishing to me how rarely people notice or address deadly drops in attention. You know what I mean – every other camera is off, the people who do have their cameras on are clearly doing email or are on their phones. In an in-person meeting, people have their laptops open and are typing but they aren’t taking notes, they’re doing email.

·      If the energy is too low here are some tactics:

• In a virtual meeting, switch it up. Take a poll and report back what you learned. Do a breakout session and have one person from each team report back. Have people move – get up and stretch. You should change the tempo about once every fifteen minutes.

• Check in on energy. I have people do a non-verbal show of hands to tell me what their energy level is. One finger is about ready to fall asleep. Five fingers means they are engaged and interested. If there’s a wide variety, ask someone with a low number what they’d like to see happen differently, or what would increase their energy.

·      Sometimes the energy is too high. If there are disagreements or if people are so engaged that they are talking over one another, it means the energy is too high and you can try some of these:

• Stop and ask a question and then have everyone write the answer in silence. Give them a set time, usually no more than 5 minutes. This is also a boon for the introverts. Then ask two or three people to share their answers. If you can, start with people who haven’t been talking much. If they have been quiet because they are introverted, they will appreciate having had a few moments of quiet consideration and may feel more comfortable sharing.

• If you are running a meeting in person, get people up and moving. If I’m facilitating a meeting where people are debating three options, and it gets heated, I write each option on a big sticky note and then give everyone three stickers. They can use all three stickers to vote for one option, or they can vote with one sticker for each option. They mill about, there is movement, and then I have everyone sit down again and I report back what the group came up with, and ask for people who voted for one or the other to discuss.

Manage participation

·      Getting quiet people talking with the introvert exercise above is a way to get people contributing. What about the people who won’t stop talking?

·      I’ve done lots of panel talks and presentations where there is a question and answer period at the end. Almost invariably, there will be a white guy who scrambles to get the first question slot and mansplains at length to me and everyone else. I read a suggestion that having everyone take three minutes to share in small groups before the question time dissipates some of that energy and can lead to better Q&A sessions. At other times I simply won’t call on that guy. Making someone who wants to dominate a meeting pipe down is a good opportunity to use a heavier hand as a facilitator or meeting leader.

• “Joe, let’s hear from someone else – Gina, what are your thoughts?”

• “Joe, thanks for that, but I’m going to stop you there, we need to move on to the next item in the agenda.”

This might make you uncomfortable, but it’s good practice.  

Use your body

·      If you’re a woman, you might need some practice in using non-verbal cues of dominance. But knowing them can be helpful. This is for in person meetings. If I’m losing the room, I stand up and move to the white board and start writing. It works. Even if there is an argument in the room, if I get up, walk to the white board and start writing, people will pay attention. Even if I just start writing down what people are saying, I have regained control of the room. The wide sweeping motions of erasing a whiteboard to make space are like a bell ringing – people turn and look.

·      Once I was in a class on facilitation, and one of the very experienced facilitators showed us this. She’s a warm, smiling woman, about 5 foot 3, and she showed the class that when she wanted to get the attention of someone dominating the meeting, she stood over him. It was subtle, she moved closer to where one of the other students was sitting, and she just quietly and calmly moved into his space. He had to look up at her, and without a word she had established dominance. She addressed him, then moved away, she did it very skillfully and it worked.

·      If you have power, be mindful of using your body to reassure. If you are a tall man, sit down. If you have a loud voice, speak more quietly. If you have people who might be intimidated by you, stay out of their space – do the opposite of what I just suggested. If you are writing notes of other people’s comments to capture on a white board, repeat it back to them to make sure that you got it right – never paraphrase without permission.

     Stick the landing

·      End the meeting five minutes before the scheduled end of the meeting. Clarify next steps and who owns them. If you’ve put anything in the parking lot, you can mention that you will discuss that next time. For ongoing meetings, start the next meeting with the next steps from the last meeting to hold people accountable.

Knowing how to effectively manage a meeting is a superpower that can supercharge your career. Keep learning about it and you’ll see what I mean.